This is what I had for breakfast this morning:
which blended into this…
with a side of this…
And I didn’t really enjoy it. Not because I was drinking kale or because the kids nagged the whole time for more eggs. I didn’t enjoy it because I found fault with everything that I had prepared.
- The bagel had chocolate chips in it and was loaded with sugar. And it contained gluten and I’ve read that gluten should be avoided.
- Plus it had cream cheese on it, and I’ve heard people speak against dairy and have read articles that dairy is hard to process and should be avoided. Milk was also in the scrambled eggs – shoot!
- The eggs themselves were not from free-range, organic chickens…and actually, I’ve seen documentaries and read books saying that all animal products, like eggs, should be avoided.
- The smoothie seemed like a winner until I considered that none of the fruits and vegetables were organic…not even the ones on the dirty dozen list like kale and apples. And I’ve read that non-organic food on the dirty dozen list should be avoided.
I wish I could say that this is the only time I’ve been disappointed with my food. But then I would be lying to you. Food is a massive source of worry for me. In fact, every time I cook, and many times that I eat, I’m wondering, “Is this the right thing to eat? What if it’s giving me cancer? What if I’m giving my kids cancer?”
I’ve connected cancer to what we eat because every single one of the sources linked above attached higher risks of cancer to eating certain foods. And man, I don’t want to bring cancer into the house! I worry that the choices I make with food will eventually leave us sick.
I’m not the only one thinking about what foods to eat. Friends, acquaintances, even strangers in all of my circles are talking about food….trying to figure out what to eat to settle their stomachs, to reduce bloating, to ease mood swings, to feel better, to be healthy. The problem is that many diet options contradict each other.
- Gluten free says it’s fine to eat dairy. Dairy free says you shouldn’t eat dairy.
- The Paleo diet says no grains (including no gluten) and no dairy…but yes to meat. Vegan says no to meat, and ALL animal products…but yes to gluten.
- Vegetarian says no to meat, but yes to gluten. The Mediterranean diet says yes to meat…and olive oil…which a whole group of people say is unhealthy.
I haven’t listed even half of the diets sources claim (scientifically) to be healthy and lower cancer rates. It’s so confusing! My head is already spinning and nearly pops off when I think about all of the liver, colon, and juice cleanses people recommend. And I just about lose it when I start thinking about my water.
- What’s in it?
- Am I drinking it at the right time of day? (because I’ve read that drinking it at the wrong times of the day can harm digestion)
- Am I drinking enough?
- What’s the temperature of the water? (again, can aid or slow digestion)
I’m officially gone when I think about the GMOs and pesticides and toxins and processed food and high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated oils and, and, and!!!
This is a new food disorder
It’s becoming more difficult to discern what is healthy food, which in turn leaves me feeling scared, worried, and preoccupied about the food I eat.
How’s a girl to feed her family these days? Where is the truth about food?
I believe this is a food disorder because I do not have a healthy view of food. I still eat food; but my mind is becoming warped and confused and worried with every comment I hear about nutrition. There is no freedom here, no enjoyment of food. It feels more like a prison of fear than a meal.
Though I’m still muddling through this food disorder, I’ve come to the following conclusions.
- Food can become a false god. A god is anything we fear, love, and trust. As a Christian, the one true God should hold this place in my heart. Unfortunately, I put more trust in food to keep me safe and healthy than I do God. And I fear the negative effects of food and what they can do in my life. I am very preoccupied with food and its effects. A lot of my head space is dedicated to food…and not to God. As I did with my daughter, I’ve made a good thing a God thing. I need to repent more often of trusting in food more than God.
- Sin messed EVERYTHING up. All of the diets I mentioned have scientific research supporting their cancer findings. These people aren’t just making stuff up. I would literally eat NOTHING if I went by the guidelines of these diets and organic and GMO studies, and other such information. No matter what we eat, we will eat something that is not perfectly, Garden of Eden healthy for us…because of sin. The sin problem is SO BIG, we can’t avoid having some kind of toxins in our bodies. If not from food, then from our environment – clothes – shampoo – air (don’t even get me started down these paths!). We can’t avoid the effects of sin.
- I’m going to die. And so is my husband. And so are my children. I shudder as I write that…but it’s true. It’s another consequence of sin. It’s one of the most obvious facts of life. But it’s a fact that so many are trying to avoid and control with their food. If I’m honest, I’m one of them. Yet no matter how hard I beat myself against this fact, it’s still true. What’s more, am I fully living if I’m constantly trying to avoid death? How much is fear stealing my joy? Probably a lot…
- God sustains me. We as Christians have never been promised a pain-free, suffering-free, cancer-free, sickness-free life. However we have been promised the presence of our living God; the same God that walked with Adam and Eve while they ate perfect fruit in the garden. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob promises to walk with us through all trials we experience. If I or my family gets sick, I know He will help me manage the pain. He will be my fortress, my strength, my stronghold, my defender, my rock, my Wisdom and understanding. “I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2
- Jesus has conquered death. Why should I fear death if He has conquered it? He has gone before me, faced the grave, and come out on the other side…FOR ME! And FOR YOU! What can mortal man do to me?
I have by no means conquered my food disorder. I struggle everyday with it. But I am confident that God will give me wisdom and understanding as I try to navigate our food world.
Time to go make dinner…
Have you ever struggled to know the best food to eat these days?