I sat at my desk terrified. Sharp pains ran through my hips and across my belly. It was the same pain I had experienced 2 and a half years earlier. This same pain that landed me in my OB’s office for an ultrasound. This pain that revealed a lifeless baby floating in my uterus. Just a week prior we had heard the heartbeat for the first time. At 10 weeks we lost our first baby. And it all started with the same pain.
We had hoped and prayed and pleaded for another pregnancy. Now 2 and a half years later I sat at my desk wringing my heart with worry. I had called my new OB, but they couldn’t see me until the next day. Meanwhile my mind was drowning with fear that was out of control.
It’s happening again. The baby is probably already dead. There’s no way this is gonna be okay.
I did everything I could to distract myself from the thought of another miscarriage. I tried to plan the youth lock-in. I turned on Pandora. I hugged and rocked myself. Nothing worked. I had to get out of there – I had to get out of my mind.
So I started walking. I walked down the sidewalk squeezing my hands, staring at the concrete. I walked and walked around the block. With each step I chanted,
I’m so scared God. I’m so scared.
As I rounded the next corner I began to cry out
Give me peace God, please, give me peace.
As I said this mantra over and over, my heart began to calm. The fearful fog lifted as I focused on that simple phrase, Give me peace, God. I got back to my office, sighed, and sat down. I was in the same situation, but armed with a little peace. I decided to resume playing Pandora and try to get some work done.
It was then God spoke biblical truth to me…through the song on Pandora. I had pressed pause before I walked out of the office. I had no idea what was playing before I left. But now the lyrics were unmistakably playing for me
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know.
The song continued:
‘Cause it won’t last – your worries will pass. All your trouble they don’t stand a chance. And it always hurts the worst with the ones we love the most, Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know.
God gave me true peace in that moment. I felt that He was speaking to me. He used a secular song to remind me of biblical truth. I remembered what Jesus said in Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.
I didn’t know what was going to happen at my OB appointment. But I was imprisoned by the fear of what might happen, of what the ultrasound might reveal. Jesus encourages us to not fear the unknowns of tomorrow.
I also felt like God was calling me Darlin’. This is what made me cry. My heart’s faith struggle has always been believing that God truly loves me. There is so much pain and suffering in this world. And we lost our precious little baby…one that God could have chosen to save. I didn’t get warm fuzzies when I thought about God. I thought more of a distant, just being who says He cares for me..but really doesn’t.
That simple term of endearment DARLIN’ brought healing tears to my eyes. God not only answered my fearful prayer for peace, but He did so in an extremely intimate way. I am His darlin’.
I felt like the woman must have in Mark 5:25 – 34. The woman who had been bleeding for 12 years. Imagine that suffering – not just physical, but also social. She was considered unclean (because of the bleeding) and was most likely ostracized from family and community rituals. She needed healing and sought Jesus in a crowd, secretly touching his robe. She was healed instantly – but Jesus stopped and sought her out. The first word out of His mouth to her was
DAUGHTER…your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.
What a term of endearment for this woman. Daughter. A woman who had been rejected from everyday life for 12 years because of bleeding she could not control. But the great healer and Savior welcomed her into peace and called her daughter.
He did the same for me. Only He called me Darlin’. And He blessed me with peace that day. Six months later we were blessed with a healthy baby girl. The pain I experienced was round ligament pain as my body stretched to accommodate the little life inside.
I’ve thought about that day many times, especially since we’ve recently discovered we’re expecting baby #4. Talk about more opportunities to battle worry! I’ve always felt that my worry meter goes sky-high during pregnancy. I feel completely out of control…I can’t make the baby develop properly…I can’t make my uterus stay healthy…I can’t make the labor go smoothly.
Pregnancy is a worry boot camp. Each day is a chance to remember what God reveals in His word – and sometimes reminds us of through a song.
Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know.
I personally believe God reveals Himself to us through His Word, the Bible. I don’t think we’re waiting around for songs or poems to speak to us. There is no new revelation of God’s truth that we’re waiting for. He’s told us everything we need to know. Hebrews 1:1 says
In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by His Son.
I do believe that God can remind us of biblical truths through songs. It’s our job as Christians to be discerning, and check songs against what God has revealed in the Bible.