I’ve been sick for about a month now. I’ve had a myriad of symptoms assail my body, the latest of which is loss of smell. This means a loss of taste. This means awfulness! I love to cook and eat, and it’s becoming depressing not being able to smell or taste. I’m praying my bronchitis and sinusitis clears soon; but I realize I’m been battling more than just poor health.
I’m fighting this looming feeling that something greater is wrong with me. That old worry feeling of “The-bronchitis-isn’t-going-away-so-it-must-be-cancer” has resurfaced. I’ve had it before with horrible headaches…”Something worse must be wrong with me!”
I’ve been writing this blog for about 2 years now, and I’m embarrassed to admit that I still have these kinds of worries. I’m a little ashamed that I haven’t kicked the old habit yet.
For sure, my mind doesn’t spin as long on this particular fear and I call on God a little faster than I used to. I also recall God’s presence and reliability more than I have in the past.
But a lie has crept into my mind as I’ve written posts:
I will eventually stop worrying.
I want this whole worry challenge to just go away. I don’t like it, feel weak with it, and it’s exhausting, sometimes debilitating…even after 2 years of actively struggling against it! And I want it to stop.
But that’s not the way it goes with sin. (I believe unchecked worry is a sin according to Scriptures.) Sin doesn’t stop. We can’t wake up one morning and be in the free and clear of it.
The old nature constantly trails after us, trips us up, and can make life miserable. Absolutely, we can put strategies into place to fight against a particular sin. That’s why I started writing Cast Your Worries. But I don’t believe we will ever fully conquer a sin this side of heaven.
I will never fully defeat worry. My worries will change as I mature, as my kids grow, as more life happens to me. I may barely worry by the time I’m 55! But it will still be there, ready to rear its ugly head the minute I think I’ve put it on the shelf.
My father-in-law counsels with members of AA. He says they refer to themselves as recovering alcoholics. They recognize that they will never be completely free from their addiction…they always have a guard up against the alcohol.
I believe I’m a recovering worrier. Rather than striving to completely eradicate the worry I detest, I choose to call on the God of peace who has conquered all sin in eternity.
It means that while I may never be a perfect, worry free person here on earth, I will see a day when my heart is completely free of this disease called sin.
In the meantime, I need my Savior everyday to forgive me for my fears and distrust. He needs to be working in every part of my life, because I cannot over come. Praise God He’s willing to take me back, even after the 114th time of worrying about cancer. And hallelujah that He does that for any sin I confess!
Do you feel like you can completely conquer a particular sin?