I have not been a worrier my whole life. In fact, I can remember the day I began to worry about stuff.
Like most kids I thought I was invincible. I would have tomboy fantasies where I would sneak up on bad guys and knock them out cold. I imagined that I could run faster than anyone trying to catch me and no one was stronger than me.
But one night I had a dream. Someone was pursuing me and instead of outrunning them, I heard a voice that said, “Brandy, you’re not as fast as you think you are. You can easily be caught.” The next morning, worry had awakened inside of me. I no longer dreamed myself invincible…but instead vulnerable.
I had plenty of opportunities to worry as a kid. I was bullied most of my elementary years and worried that no one would ever love me. I worried when I was home alone that someone would break in and get me. I worried when I saw white vans because those were the vans the child molesters drove in Unsolved Mysteries. Strangers terrified me and so did getting hurt.
While on one hand I was fearful, on the other I was bold. I was resilient because of my faith. God grabbed ahold of me early and supported me when I felt lonely and scared. My confirmation verse is still a source of security for me:
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:27
As I got older, my worries subsided a bit. I found solace in being overly busy in high school with sports and other extracurricular activities. College was just as busy as a 2 sport athlete and a passion for literature, public speaking, and theology.
This passion led me to study at Concordia Seminary in St. Louis after college. I earned a Masters in Theology and married the hottest Pastor there, Jim, who brings passion and depth to my life everyday. This close relationship stirred up old insecurities and worry…am I really loved? What if he dies? And suddenly I began to worry all over again. I worried about strangers at the grocery stores stalking me. And those white vans still haunted me!
My worry elevated after children. We have 4 kids, Big Sister who is 6, Little Man who is 5, Baby Sister who is 3, and Mister Mister who is 5 months. They are some of my greatest treasures, but also my biggest sources of worry. I feel an immense responsibility to keep them safe, raise them healthy, and leave a legacy of faith for them.
Worry has been an unwelcome companion most of my life. I have been ashamed, frustrated, devastated, and paralyzed all because of this guest I never invited into my heart. But God has been pursuing me even through this thick blanket of worry. His Word has been speaking into my life from the beginning.
You are loved.
No one can snatch you from my hand.
You have eternal life in me.
I try to live my life in light of His Word, instead of the words of worry. It’s a daily battle, and this blog is a chronicle of my personal discoveries, thoughts, and insights into His promises. My hope is to be honest and transparent, helpful and practical. But the best gift I can offer is the truth that Jesus meets us in every challenge of our lives…even our worry!